I thought about this one for a while and whether to talk about it so openly but then thought, if not now, when then?

Why you may ask, for many first time mothers and experienced mothers the need to seek for community and the ‘village’ can be big. Motherhood or parenting was never meant to be done alone. We were never meant to carry the weight of raising a whole lineage or legacy alone, therefore seeking others in the same situation sometimes or others you can share tips and learn from is something that many of us crave. It is more so when you are in a new country with no social network and no family support nearby. Some people I have known have stayed in my life for more than 10 years now, so I am grateful and we have raised our children literally together, which is wonderful to see… but it can be difficult to achieve. Please read further and tell me your views on this topic too! :-))

Do you know? Many don’t know this, but almost 9 years ago, together with another mama we started, created and developed a baby group in Amsterdam in a church that has gone on to do so good to date. It has become one of the mama groups to belong to near Mecatorplein, we started in a church back when my first child was a few months old. I love to create communities where I can, so others can come together and share and mingle, where they probably would have just been isolated and depressed alone. We were able to get funding from the local council even which meant we could host it for free throughout, providing drinks and snacks too with a budget that we were given

So what biases am I talking about? I have attended quite some mama and baby groups throughout my children’s ages as they were growing up. With some I blended in and with others, they were typical ‘ex-pat’ wives who found themselves with so much time in their hands whilst their husbands moved them into a new country, as they navigate their next move and so I steered clear

Part of the reason why I steer clear of them. The biases within them are shocking. Sometimes it starts with my title, ‘the Doula’

Let me clear something though; when I agree to meet you up for coffee or playtime with our kids, it is because I genuinely want to get to know you. I do not drink coffee with my clients before they become clients. Most of my clients come to me either directly from finding me online or by word of mouth. So you can rest assured that i am not ‘trying’ or ‘aiming’ to get a signature on my contract

It would be wonderful if the feeling was mutual, that I had a genuine interest in you as a fellow woman and mother and that maybe our babies would develop a bond through childhood.

I know as Doulas there is somewhat a reputation about us within communities, always trying to bag a customer, but I can assure you, not all of our work is similar. I for one, am not a salesgirl. I am not a doula who marvels at stomping on another to reach a high level. I do not compete with others, I have no reason to.

I love to give credit where it is due and celebrate my doula sisters where I should. I know there are Doulas who have the need to stomp on others, forgetting the weight beneath has to accommodate their extra weight and maybe they would crumble.

How about I genuinely like to make connections with people as a woman and especially a mother in a land far from my own?

In the groups, you’ll see how you’ll be frowned upon for thinking different from the majority too. So much for supporting each other through journeys that are so similar! Finding a mama group free from judgment to my mind is almost impossible. Join them but take what you can and leave the rest there!