Yesterday was bittersweet and also celebratory. Bittersweet because a lot of emotions are triggered as a parent. You go back in time with memory, happiness, fresh doubt, gratitude, disbelief, grace..all at the same time

My youngest turned 5 years old yesterday. He came with a HUGE story behind him. He was born with a congenital heart defect and luckily for us it was fixed, but that does not take away the whole scare and thoughts of what could be that came forth for us.

I remember when we found out what ‘could be’, it was at my 20 weeks scan. They found out on the echo that blood was being pumped into the baby’s heart but the chambers of his heart did not look like they should. Once I saw the doubting face of the sonographer, my heart skipped. Then she excused herself to call a specialist to come and confirm if what she saw was what it was. Truly, it was

I wanted the earth to open and swallow me up.. I just thought to myself ‘what?! How?! WHY?!!?!!

It is human nature to think ‘why me’, right? Why us? This is so unfair! Well.. It was a test and for us to go through it we needed to do that as a family. I started having different kinds of dreams, thinking this ‘diagnosis’ already sets me apart from what being ‘normal’ actually is.. so many things went through my head when I was alone trying to digest to what that news meant for me but also what it would mean for us all as a family.

I chose to pray about it, cry until I couldn’t cry no more then came up with a plan. We would have a Doula to help us navigate this. For myself but ESPECIALLY for my husband…