His agenda will not change…
Yes sister! His agenda will not change just because he has become a father. Let me tell you.. you need to look after you so you can continue to look after everyone else around you.
Let me put it openly; His meetings will continue, his social network will never be affected like yours will and his drink-dates with friends after work may be quite regular than you imagine or expect. So look after you too, gather your tribe, find the mamas or support you need for you, it is important for your self care and wellbeing
So how do you make sure you look after yourself too?
(1) Hire the help that you need and pay in advance slowly, together!
(2) Ask for part of the payments from family and friends who may not be in a position to help you physically or near to contribute towards your moment of recuperating and reenergizing.
(3) Ask a sister to check on you frequently so that you stay on top of things too. They don’t have to come to you physically, maybe contact by whatsapp or texting every other day would help keep you in touch with the outside world too
Many doulas offer payment plans. I know because not only am I one who does, I had three doulas for my third birth. Yep! 3! The second doula offered to be there to support us, but we hired a birth separately from a postpartum doula to support us and especially myself. I have written about our experience with our postpartum doula, you can find the article about Jana in my blog list.
Because Postpartum Matters just as much…
That saying “you cannot serve from an empty cup? It is so real. Do not underestimate the amount of support you would need after a birth! Your partner would offer and come across very confidently but believe me.. you need the people trained to do this kind of work. You need someone you are not emotionally attached to, to support you in your most vulnerable moment to make sure that you can feel whatever you need to feel without hurting someone’s feelings like you would your husband/partner/boyfriend
Let me tell you my brother; a happy wife is a happy life! Stop with the cliche lines “oh babe, you are so natural”. Ask yourself, who taught her how to mother? Because you can also learn or improve on your fatherhood skills. There is no parenthood school! You simply are discharged from hospital if it was a hospital birth, you will get the maternity nurse coming some hours in the day for x amount of days.. but then! You will be left to continue as a family on.your.own.
Close to each other.. discuss expectations to wade off frustrations :-)
If she’s all deflated and worn out, you can forget getting the lip break! She’s going to be resentful and unhappy, turning into a wife/partner/girlfriend you didn’t know. Nothing ‘good’ about that, is there? 🤷🏾♀️. What can you do?
(1) Attend a childbirth session/class together. I offer those at my space or your own, just get in touch directly by email:info@upendo-doula.com and in the meantime, here is some information for you to peruse together; https://www.upendo-doula.com/more-infomation
(2) Ask! Ask! Ask the questions that are burning and itching inside you. Hearing the words from the horse’s mouth is better than you guessing, getting it wrong, winding her up and especially when she is in labour, believe me. So do not feel intimidated to ask when you need clarity
My sessions are MANSPLAINED; meaning I prepare YOU to understand the birth world so that you can be the best support when the day comes! The next sessions at mine is when you want it to be! Zoom sessions are customized according to your need. This August I am here and available if you need to make contact, please do! And share with anyone you feel will benefit from this information too. Thank you in advance!
Book directly by email: info@upendo-doula.com or check the content first here
