Now this is a blog that will probably touch some nerves, and maybe not.. but let’s see.

As much as I love that hashtag; #Blacklivesmatter I am left to wonder why then are we back here again with simmering feelings and rage watching as things evolve right in front of our eyes? Decades after.. and discrimination is living with us, we bluff as BLACK people and smile with it everyday

In the Netherlands today there were many posts about people ‘going to listen’ People acknowledging their privileges and accepting things have been happening BUT pointing at how bad it is IN America…

So is it just happening in America? NO, it’s not. If you have been living under a rock.. get off it and come up in the land of the living and enquire some more. Brutality and discrimination is just as vast in the Netherlands. I have experienced it first hand and so have my children. I have friends whose children have and continue to experience it every.single.day and in the Netherlands.

America is because it is being broadcasted

I have experienced it in Childbirth (that didn’t get me in the statistics though) and in my everyday life too

I am sure you’ve heard many times the saying about FEAR during childbirth. This word is sung in many birth classes. How fear can be contagious. How fear can hinder a woman progressing in labor. How fear triggers the FIGHT or FLEE response in a birthing woman. Discrimination in childbirth is just as bad. It is contagious because if the source of it is from the roots.. guaranteed the whole team will act similarly because to that lot, it is normal. This is what they would call ‘every day racism’. It is still wrong

RACISM in general STINKS! In childbirth.. it is dispeakable ! Let me tell you, with racism even when you spray it severally or try to cover it with a chic suit and professional attitude, it has a habit of still shining through. You could try to hide it with a smile but believe me.. those of us who know and feel it can get a whiff of it from a mile. IT STINKS. So just as we say to our Doula clients’ partners fear is contagious, Racism is just as contagious

Racism whether you notice it or not belittles people. When a pregnant woman in her most vulnerable feels belittled.. they’re no different from being fearful and they shut down. So doesn’t her birth experience matter?

Allow me to give you a few examples: When I was pregnant with my first son, I was very aware of my choices. I was under the same hospital I had had my daughter in. Cut the story short.. i was sent back and forth for 4 days in a row nobody believing what I was saying and relaying on the CTG machine instead. God knows if he would be here today, had I not forced them to admit me that night because I had pleaded for days until I reached my level of ENOUGH!

Another example: I supported an African couple early last year in Amsterdam and what I heard then was shocking. You may not know it but those “silly” comments like “you attend all prenatal appointments with her? 😯Wow! I never imagined”; to utter a statement like it to an African father cuts deep for many. Would she have said that to a Dutch white man? I doubt it. Your imagination and bias about black fathers being deadbeat dads.. is YOUR OWN and it’s still wrong

Another one from a colleague who remembers; Well I was helping an African woman and she was in pain. She wanted an epidural which took something like 2h to comme but let’s say it’s normal. Then they tried 3 times but she was crying from pain, at a point she had a contraction and instead of stopping they were ignoring her, I had to speak loud to tell them she’s having a contraction (they were also making some kind of fun of her when she was screaming from the pain). All this now can only be the normal way they treat people I guess. But then after the last attempt, the anaesthesiologist just said in Dutch « it’s a shame African women don’t know how to bend their backs properly ». It wasn’t just the place and the time but I guess again it’s “normal” because she didn’t understand the language.. right? She was clearly suffering .. but well..

As a bereavement Doula the stories I have heard of women going through loss for example who are not only not given the right information for their situation.. feel they were treated the way they were because they didn’t understand the language, didn’t fit in with the system, were different from the sources they went to seek information from and therefore “sod them” are shocking

Did I get you to think now? I am sure you will still ask for “numbers”.. there’s 4 here. Do these count?

Racism in childbirth exists even in the Netherlands. One could defend it’s not as high as in America., but it does happen. After my own traumatic second birth, I hadn’t thought of it until a lawyer mentioned the words to me “do you think it could have been racially constituted?

Why aren’t we bothered about “their” experiences then? Because she has a “refugee” title doesn’t mean she’s illiterate. Because she is a black woman who doesn’t speak Dutch doesn’t mean she’s illiterate either!. Her skin color has nothing to do with her level of integrity or comprehension.

As birth workers we talk about BRAINS and asking couples to use BRAINS during childbirth so they can make informed choices.. yet her NO is not understood as a complete sentence! Why that does not register with you the caregiver is diabolic; to say the least

NO IS A COMPLETE SENTENCE!

NO does not mean convince her because of the color of her skin or status

We talk about “How the birth experiences will leave an impact in the lives for eternity” yet we fob them off when they come numerous times to ask questions to understand the system! People ask questions to understand, not to intentionally get up your nose and if you’re bothered by the questions and request for clarification then you’re in the wrong profession all together

I am tired of being tired. We are tired of defending our bodies. We are tired of dealing with a system that keeps failing us time and time again and expect us to shush because it suits everyone involved and the unjust has become so entwined with the system that many don’t even recognize they’re doing wrong

There are many areas that need observing where racism and discrimination is concerned EVEN in the Netherlands whether people are aware of it or not. It may be a different kind, but discrimination, lack of inclusion and limitations on advancement in education and career are here in the Netherlands too

IT. IS. ENOUGH!! I will not be ignorant in what I set out to achieve as a Doula nor will I stand in silence knowing first hand the impact discrimination can have

As much as everyone is coming forth together right now in the heat of the moment, when it all calms down, allies (whichever ally you want to call yourself) who are right now hash-tagging and posting ‘how they will listen more’ and how ‘they agree injustice has gone for far too long’ will have to educate themselves.

Make sure it is not just for today you are #blacktuesday-hash-tagging. That this message and your awareness means you are going to carry this forward and educate your own generations to come; that discrimination because of someone’s skin color is WRONG.